Now let me give props where props are due. I expect an Angry grouchy temperamental Six foot Seven Bill Wilhelm! And if that is what i got i certainly would not begrudge him. I have not mentioned that about 30 minutes before Bill and I flew out here Bill pulled a muscle in his back and was in quite a lot of pain, and cramming a 6'7" man into a tiny ford focus does not help. Every time we got in that stupid car Bill's back would get a little worse, but being the trooper he is, he complained very very little. Well this man had little sleep, and had been driving a total of 10 and a half hours in this stupid little car. He had not been pleased with the meeting and the final st aw was the fact that Major Kim who promised to drive back with Bill and help him hook up with Mort and I abandoned Bill at the meeting leaving Bill to Drive, once again, alone in the Dark and in a foreign countries. Then add the fact that the road he was on was under construction and he had to make a few detours that left him lost a couple of times. I say all this to point out, despite this angry Bill is not what I got. He was annoyed by everyone of those things but he was not in any way a foul mood. He took them as they came and kept a cheerful attitude.
Bill and I finally met and we scoped out or route from Newark to Manchester. Now Mort (a native I add) pointed out that we should take the M1 (the British equivalent of a major Interstate). But Bill and i (both visitors to the UK) noticed that taking the M1, signified on the map by a thick bright blue line, would take us far north of Manchester (we were south of it currently) and then cut South West towards it. That Seemed a little out of our way. Then Bill and I noticed that there was a little curvy red line representing a road that went straight from our current location to very near the Manchester airport. We decided that we would go against the sound advice of the local and use our own foreign logic and take the little red road (the A617) to Manchester with Bill driving and I navigating!
Needless to say it was a mess. Bill realized he had a problem when he (who wore glasses) could read the road signs from about 15 yards out further than I could. My eyes (really I'm not kidding here) I have noticed are not that good any more and most words at distances tend to blend together. So I could only read about half of what a road sign said before we past it. Bill quipped at one point "I'm being navigated by Mr. Magoo!" Obviously I will be getting my eyes checked next week. The next problem is that the British road system is a disaster. The road went from four lanes sometimes immediately into a little one lane that curved through several subdivisions leaving us very unsure whether we were still on the right road or not. The British road ways are very very poorly marked. The only time you can find out what road you are on is when you come to a round about and they mark the exits off it. At one point we came to a round about with 5 exits and all of them were marked the A617, I'm not kidding! How can a road intersect itself???!?!?! We got lost a couple times, at one point I told bill i thought we were on the right road and I added "Whatever happens we don't wanna be in Baswell." No sooner had the words left my Lips than we looked up and saw a sign that said "Welcome to Baswell." Lucky for me Bill had a great sense of humor.
We reached the Marriott in Manchester at Midnight and got checked in. The Bed felt like heaven and I slept soundly . . . . . . that is until the fire alarm at the Hotel went off at 5:00 AM and woke every one up. But at least I was going home that day. Lord willing, before I hit the bed that night I was going to see my wife. And that was my only comfort, and the only one i needed!
Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape
Screwtape
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